I have a new attitude **By Angela**

Okay, so here it is, my first cancer blog post. Dan told me that I could contribute and I replied that no one really wants to hear from me, this is about his journey. He insisted that he needed my highly opinionated reasoning to make it interesting (hmm, should I be offended or proud?... little gray area there)... I am still doubtful, but here it goes...

Dan and I have a unique relationship, because not only are we married and raising a son, but we are business partners as well. Some people think we are crazy for working so closely together, but it just works, I can't explain it. We are total opposites. Dan is much more reserved, conservative and analytical. I have been described as anything but that,usually I am described as outgoing, creative, and probably pushy or obnoxious when I'm not listening. When we first started dating in 2001 our friends were a bit puzzled, they did not initially understand the attraction, we were so different. However, I think they soon realized that our relationship works because we are different. We are a perfect balance for each other, both in our marriage and our business. The reason that VenueQuest still exists 5 years after we started the company is because Dan approves the spending and handles finances. The reason that we have expanded nationwide and get great exposure in the media is because I refuse to allow limitations or obstacles to stand in the way of our growth. If either of us were not part of this business, it would likely not be as successful as it is today. I am not saying that running a business together has not taken its toll. In fact, we clearly acknowledge that VenueQuest is the 3rd spouse in our marriage, and dinner conversations can quickly become board meetings with no effort at all. But this is our life, and we love it. We also love that Dominic is able to have both parents around anytime he needs us. If either of us were working 50+ hours for someone else, we would probably miss the most important part of life, watching our child grow up. Finally, I love that we get to experience the world together as a family. One of the benefits of owning a travel company, is that your work takes you to great places. We have committed to taking Dominic to as many of those places as possible, because neither of us traveled much while growing up. I am proud to say that at 2 years old, Dominic has been on over 30 flights, has 3 stamps in his passport and has seen more of the world at his young age than I did before I was 21. I believe that exposure to things is the best education money can buy. Dominic has been exposed to different cultures, languages and regions, and he is a great traveler... by car, airplane, train, subway, boat... whatever. He is one smart cookie and we are so proud of him!

The Diagnosis

The doctor called this morning and asked if we could come in to discuss the diagnosis. I was really nervous about this one. I was far calmer going into each of the biopsies a few days ago, than I was going into this appointment. I don't know why though. It was really hot in the doctors office and in the exam room and that made waiting for his report even harder. He finally came in and reported that my disease is Stage 3 Hodgkins Lymphoma. I get to start chemotherapy on Monday and will continue to receive treatments about every 15 days for six months. After that I will receive radiation for 5 weeks. And then hopefully I will be cured.

I am more confident than ever that 6-8 months from now I will be alive and cancer free, but I am also more nervous than ever about the long term effects of chemotherapy and radiation. I am finding it hard to believe that such powerful chemicals can be routinely pumped through my body and not leave some kind of negative long term effect. The doctor has been re-assuring me that I am young, healthy, don't smoke and don't have any other issues that would make long term problems a probability. But I am still really nervous about it because I feel like I have no choice in the matter. I feel like my options are - take whatever this treatment dishes out with a smile - or die.

The doctor called again later to ask if I can come into the hospital tomorrow and have my port installed. I told them I wanted to put it off until next week. The two biopsy scars are both feeling a lot better and I am just hoping to feel normal tomorrow.

I do feel good that my doctor studied and did his residency at the National Cancer Institute. Makes me feel like I can trust his knowledge.

No doctors today

Today was fun because it was the first time in over a week that I had no doctor appointments. However, the anesthesia from yesterday's surgery was still lingering and I felt a little light headed in the morning. That was made worse when I took one of the Codeine pain medication pills. That stuff is strong! I got really woozy and needed to take a nap soon after.

Lymph node biopsy

This is my last of the tests (I think) before chemo starts. Compared to yesterday, this was a breeze, although it was a deeper procedure. The doctor wanted to do a biopsy on cancer infected lymph node, so I got the full surgery treatment. Fancy hospital gown, IV in the hand funny little surgery hat...everything. They walked me to the operating room and I was surprised at how large it was. I have only seen operating rooms on TV, so it was interesting to see the real equipment. There were a few unsettling sights. The first one to catch my eye was the table where I would lay. I had always imagined that surgery would take place on a bed similar to the ones in a hospital room. That was not the case. In the middle of the operating room was a long vinyl bench looking thing, with arm supports sticking out perpendicular to the main bench. I was startled because it looked exactly like the gurney's you see on TV for a lethal injection room.

Anyway, they asked me to lie down and they were nice enough to cover me up with blankets because it was really cold in the room. Then I saw the surgeon standing next to me and I remember telling him "You are going to freeze!" because he was wearing a scrub shirt with the tiniest shortest sleeves. They must have given me the gas right then, but I don't remember it. The very next thing I knew, I was sitting in a chair and somebody was talking to me.

I have had no pain from the surgery, but I do feel really unstable on my feet and very tired. I guess that is from the anesthesia. I had no nausea problems and was eating soup, crackers and some chili by the end of the day.

My only regret with today is that I missed seeing the live inauguration. Angela and I had made plans to drive up to DC on Sunday and take Dominic to the National Mall so we could be a part of the event. We have some high school marching band clients who had been invited to perform in the inaugural parade, so we really wanted to be there for them and for the history of the moment. Mr. Cancer took away that opportunity and that is why I am going to beat the shit out of Mr. Cancer.

Bone marrow biopsy

No doubt about it, this was the worst thing to happen since I was told I have cancer. A bone marrow biopsy involves sticking a huge needle (roughly the size of a broom handle), through your backside, through your hip bone and into the bone marrow. A sample of the marrow got sucked out and sent to a lab. Funny thing, I thought it would be gray or brownish like in a ham bone, but it looked like blood! My back has been sore all day and sudden movements are a little painful.

Echo and PET scan

When the radiologist explained to me that an echocardiogram is an ultra-sound test of the heart, I was relieved. I had seen my wife receive an ultra-sound when she was pregnant and it looked painless, easy and even a little exciting because I could watch the monitor displaying my heart. Everything was going fine until the technician decided I should also get a bubble test. So, we moved on from the safety of a simple ultra-sound wand to the pain of injecting a large IV needle and flushing it out with lots of saline. I was not happy about that, but the test was successful and I walked out feeling confident that my heart was healthy.

Later in the afternoon, I went to another office where I would get my PET scan. If you are not familiar with this process, it is a whole body scan in a long tubular CT scan machine. Before heading into the tube though, I had to get another IV injection. But this is no ordinary injection. The juice is a radioactive compound that will be soaked up by any cancerous cells and glow a bright color when scanned by the CT machine. This helps the oncologist determine where in my body the cancer is present. The whole test lasts about an hour and a half and is completely painless. The only uncomfortable part is the "banana smoothie" I am given to coat my stomach. If a smoothie shop started serving banana smoothies that taste like that piece of crap they would quickly go out of business.

Testing, testing, 1..2..3

During that first visit to the oncologist, we learned a lot, but we did not learn exactly what type of Lymphoma I have. In order to figure that out, my doctor needed a variety of exciting tests to analyze all the elements of my disease. My battery of tests included an echocardiogram, PET Scan, bone marrow biopsy and lymph node biopsy. I will describe each of these in future posts.

First visit to a specialist

My family doctor either could not or would not answer any questions about Lymphoma and said I would need to get my information from the Oncologist who would be treating me. The doctor made me an appointment with the oncologist for the Wednesday following his diagnosis.

The four days in between were definitely the most agonizing of my life (so far). Not knowing anything about the disease or what it would mean to my life was terrifying. I was both desperate to read and learn anything I could, but also skeptical of what I was seeing because I knew it might not have anything to do with my disease.

Finally, Wednesday arrived and Angela and I went to visit the oncologist. We learned a lot, the most important of which was the battery of tests I still needed to undergo in order to accurately determine what kind of lymphoma I had and what stage it was in.

How it all started

Last Friday I received a call from a nurse at my doctors office. She said the doctor had asked that I come in to the office that day because he needed to speak with me right away. I was busy with several projects and did not want to go, but was curious about the urgency of the message. When I got there, I was led to an exam room and told to wait for the doctor. He walked in and said, "I have bad news." Then he sat down, looked me in the eye and said "You have Lymphoma." I did not know what that was, so I asked and he explained that it is a cancer within the lymphatic system. I was stunned.

You are probably wondering how this came to be, so I will back up a little. Throughout 2008, I had been experiencing a variety of health issues. I did not consider any of them very serious, and never suspected they were all interconnected. The most persistent issue was a cough. Nearly every day, I experienced some coughing. I visited doctors and did my own research and was told at various times that it was probably asthma or allergies or an infection. I was given an inhaler, antibiotics, and even hired a mold specialist to inspect my home. Nothing worked. Because the cough was mild and only occurred for about 5 minutes in the morning, I did not think it was very serious.

I also experienced a lot of night sweats. However, I attributed this to a pillow top mattress that has formed a little well around the area I sleep and I just figured that all the pillow-topness was making me hot at night.

Early in the year I experienced a rash that appeared on various parts of my body. I now realize the rash was occuring over each location of lymph nodes (neck, armpits, chest, groin, thighs, knees). I visited a doctor about this problem and she claimed that I had to much stress and anxiety and prescribed an anti-depressent medication.

Finally, a lump appeared under my right arm. Even then, I did not speculate, even in a worst case scenario sort of way, that I might have cancer. I figured my lymph node was swollen due to some toxin and possibly related to whatever was causing my cough.

My New Years Resolution was to solve the coughing issue and get healthy. So, I went to a doctor on January 5 and explained all the problems I have been having and told him I wanted to solve them all. I thought I would leave with a variety of remedies and prescriptions. Instead, they took a blood test and an X-ray. Three days later, I was asked to come back in. At that appointment on Thursday, the doctor told me they had detected what appeared to be a very bad infection, but that he wanted a CT scan to more accurately diagnose the problem. The scan was scheduled for Friday morning. Three hours after it was over is when the doctor was insisting I come back to his office to receive the news that has changed everything for me.